BIRTH ORDER
(Dewey)

CHARACTERISTICS OF POSITIONS IN THE FAMILY CONSTELLATION

 

Only Child:
"a dwarf in a world of giants"

ü     Adults are more proficient, so he may feel incompetent.

ü     Parent's anxieties may make him feel insecure, unsure of himself.

ü      Has no rivals, center of interest, often pampered.

ü      May feel lonesome and resent not having siblings.

ü     Less opportunity to learn how to share, stand up for himself, settle fights.

ü      May have special opportunities, trips, visits, with adults.

ü     If requests are not granted, may feel unfairly treated and refuse to cooperate.

ü      May gain approval or solicit sympathy by being shy, helpless.
 

ü      May become highly responsible -encouragement is a vital factor.

ü     Often relates better to those much older or younger than to peers.

ü     Frequently is interested in himself, a "getter" rather than a "doer."

First Child:
   "born first and wants to stay first"

ü      Is an only child at first and the center of interest and attention.

ü      Then feels "dethroned" by sibling. "They don't love me any more."
 

ü      After dethronement, may seek undue attention, usually on the constructive side at first; but if he feels overrun, becomes discouraged, "a problem."
 

ü      Tends to be steady, responsible, dependable, conforming, gets along well with authority figures.

ü      Often a high achiever but overly concerned with his own prestige, feels he has to be first and may exploit his own worthiness.

ü      Frequent typologies: one who has to be right, perfect, superior.

Second Child:
“born behind and runs hard to catch up.”

ü      Opposite of first child: if first is “good”, second is “bad” and vice versa.

ü      Cjooses another field of endeavour where there is less competition from older sibling. First two children in a family are usually opposites.

ü      Acts as he were in a race; like Avis, he “has to try harder.”

ü      If frequently a “rebel” – he doesn’t like the position into which he is born.

ü      May overcompensate, become huperactive and “pushy”. 

Youngest Child:
“born the baby, never dethroned – if it is a privilege, he never wants to leave  paradise.”

ü      Similar to an only child, but has siblings to observe and model from.

ü      Often "spoilt" by parents and older siblings.

ü      May not be taken seriously, since he is the smallest.

ü      May lack self-reliance, act the "baby" and succeed in having things done for him.

ü      Is frequently allied with the oldest.

ü      Is frequently highly creative, may excel or evade.

ü      May become a "speeder" and become highly successful or develop feelings of inferiority and become discouraged.

ü      May remain a dependent "baby" into adulthood.

Middle Child:
"tends to elbow self through life"

ü      Has neither the privileges of the oldest or of the youngest.

ü      May feel uncertain of his place, neglected and unloved.

ü      May feel people are unfair to him and that he has to struggle. Often is more sociable, but sensitive to injustices,
 

ü      unfairness, being slighted and feels abused.

ü      If oldest is capable and youngest is attractive, may become discouraged and become a "problem."

ü      May feel "squeezed" but may also "squeeze" in both directions.

In a large family or in one with age gaps, there may be several constellations.