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HAPPY CHILDREN -
From early childhood through adolescence -
the definitive guide to parenting.














 

IMPOSING OUR DEMANDS

"We must be sensitive to the subtle difference between expecting too much of a child,
which is a form of imposing our demands on him, and having confidence in his abilities,
which is a form of respect."

Stimulate independence - Chapter 23.

 

REFRAINING FROM OVER PROTECTION
Karla Calleja

The discussion focused on the fact that when children are being over-protected, they are in fact being discouragedand are being made to feel helpless and dependent - the exact opposite of the aims most of us parents have when raising our children, i.e., the aims of helping them to face life with courage and to finally become independent adults.

During the meeting the ways how we could encourage children to view life's difficulties as challenges rather that overwhelming obstacles were discussed. Emphasis was put on the value of instilling courage and allowing children to make choices within their of their skills and capabilities, as opposed to stopping them from making these choicesfor themselves and essentially disabling them. 

Various personal stories and experience were used as well as many stories and case-studies from the book by Dr Dreikurs.  Members of the audience asked several pertinent questions, showing a great deal of interest in finding sensible methods how to deal with children
 

A helpless fury against an outrageous world
"When we pamper and coddle our children and try to protect them from life,
this is the gift we give them: a helpless fury against an outrageous world."
                                                        Refrain from over-protection  - Chapter 22

 

ENCOURAGEMENT:  
|Highlights from the
discussion conducted by Ingrid Micallef

Lack of encouragement can be considered as the basic cause of misbehaviour:
"A misbehaving child is a discouraged child"

Discouragement can take a thousand forms. The tone of voice we use and our actions can show our child that we think he is not capable of...

An encouraging adult allows the child to explore, make mistakes and learn from them; makes him  feel accepted and tries  new things for himself, etc.

When a venture goes wrong we need to separate the deed from the doer.

We need to have courage to be imperfect.

Humiliation and over protection work against encouragement:
overprotection can take the form of giving constant attention - genuine happiness is not dependent on the attention of others, but arises from within oneself as a result of self-sufficiency.

All comparisons are harmful.

Praise needs to be used cautiously, depending on the child.

Parental love is best demonstrated through constant encouragement towards independence.
   
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